Week 9 and 4 Days

Woke up this morning at 6pm to go to the bathroom... it's become a tradition, usually at 3pm. But after i went.. i couldn't sleep... which has also become a tradition. So I read, tossed and turned. Then got up and made it in time to toss my cookies. I hope to God that doesn't happen again. I have been pretty nauseous for a few weeks. I don't know how women handle morning sickness through their entire pregnancies. My heart goes out to all of you out there! It's by far the worse feeling ever. Not to mention I'm not getting enough protein cause nothing sounds good. :(

Here is hoping week 10 is better. But it really is still worth it for this baby inside of me. I know these hormones are just helping baby grow and be healthy, so I will endure it for my bambino! :)

7 weeks, 5 days

I am so excited that there are only 2 days till I am 8 weeks. For some reason... makes it feel like a little milestone.

Yesterday I learned an important lesson. Don't wait too long to eat! I haven't had much of an appetite during this pregnancy. I get full easily and few things sound good. So I have actually lost a few pounds. (enjoying that while it lasts) So yesterday I was busy cleaning house and I ate a couple of cinnamon rolls that my sis-in-law made in the morning..and then I waited till 3:15 until I started feeling sick that I decided to make my lunch. I needed to sit for like an hour after I ate before I started feeling better. So, note to self, eat frequently.

7 Weeks, 3 Days

I can't believe that another week as gone by, but yet... it's going by sooo slow :).

I can't wait for Wed's appointment. At the same time I'm looking forward to a later one to see the baby move :).

Week 6, Day 5

Our first appointment is scheduled for December 2nd. I am going to be trying out a new doctor that is much closer to us. Both our mom's will be going to the ultra sound with us. I just can't wait. It's been a little hard to get supper excited... I don't think it seems real to me yet because of the length of time we have been waiting... my mind is playing tricks on me ( I think I just keep thinking that something is going to go wrong). I just can't wait for that first appointment to see the baby and put my mind at ease.

As far as how I am feeling.... tired and lazy. :) I seriously get a couple of things done in the morning, and I am ready for bed again. I'm not having any nausea..hopefully that will last. My appetite is weird. One minute I'm not hungry... the next minute I'm holding three boxes of Panda Express yelling out... "Don't Judge Me". ;)

I have been craving veggies...although I haven't eaten any, lol, we have been out at peoples homes and food brought to us. So maybe today... although my sis in law brought Dunkin Donuts home this morning. :/ That didn't help my morning plan of just eating yogurt. Oh well... :)

I am feeling soooooo bloated. I haven't used the facilities Since Wed... That's 4 days~~~~~~sorry for the tmi...but I feel gross. I have been waking up in the middle of the night to go pee like at 3 o'clock in the morning every night. Getting ready for those feedings. :)

Endo and Flu Shots? Help!?!

My Family Doctor called today and said he needed to refer me to an endo. My blood work came back all over the place because of the pregnancy, so he said it would be better for an endo to monitor my Thyroid issues.

Pray that it goes well. I'm also trying to figure out whether or not to get both flu shots. I don't think I would mind the regular one, I just get nervous about the H1N1. Any opinions?

Morning Of Week 4 Day 5

Woke up a few times through the night... having to go pee..

The pressure was sooooo intense. It felt like I had been holding it for days each time....

how am I going to make it on a plane while it's taking off without the ability to get up right away!?! Ahhh. Pampers for Adults!?!

Went to bed at like 9 last night. I was exhausted. And woke up ant 630... feels good waking up early. I usually am a late riser.

4 weeks...4 days

Tired and Bloated today. Lots of air pressure in my upper stomach...

Cramps, short sharp pains, very thirsty. Feel like I am getting a cold.

Got a pregnancy calendar from parents :) and some baby pajama's from a

co-worker. I love them both. :) Can't wait to be in the double digits, and to

find out what we are having.

Happy Happy Happy Anniversary

Well one day before our anniversary.... I didn't have my car, it was getting fixed,..........

..............

..........

............

................

..........

..........

I decided to........

..............

...............

.............

............

........

take...........

............

............

............a

...............

.................

.........

...........

..............

pregnancy

..........

..........

test............

.............and it was a faint line(soooo faint you had to hold it in the light to see it and it looked irridescent... it only showed on some angles), and of course hubby didn't believe it was an actual line, so i told him lets get a digital for the morning... and we did

I of course woke up at 6 am.... and it seemed like the longest time to wait while that little hour glass was flashing...

....

but sure enough it came up.....

Pregnant...

I looked and looked at it....

and looked

and was waiting for "Not" to show up in front of it.

Then... i just paced back and forth while hubby was still asleep trying to think of ways i was going to tell him, since I couldn't leave since my car was gone....

...

So I just hovered over him and say "hey...... hey..... hey..... what time are you getting up. .... Are you getting up soon..... hey...hey...."

THen he told me he was getting up right then...

So I held the pregnancy test in front of his face and he said,

"Well let's take a look here".

:) We are sooooo excited and so are our families. On our way this morning to tell his grandma. :)

Progesterone

Progesterone was much higher this go around. Doctor called this morning and said my levels were at 15... we should know in about a week!

Blood Draw

Had my blood draw today.

I have a really good vein on my right arm...but of course this woman always insists on using my left arm...and bruises me every time!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Day

I had a great day. Work was good... got a new project going... working on some old ones.

Ran a ton of errands..and got everyone that I needed to done while hanging out with a friend.

Had Bootcamp today at the gym... it kicked my but... my muscles are going to have a love/hate relationship with me tom.

Had our young marrieds group....

Worked some more on the pantry... now I am tooooo tired to think about how many more tubs I need for our food that I stopped for the night.

Having some cramps tonight... Trying not to over think it...

So I'll go to bed.

:) Good Night!

Project Pantry

Well I haven't started painting yet...

But I started Project Pantry. Last year we added onto our house, so that we could have a pantry and larger laundry room. Well with people living with us for the past year... it has become.. the junk room.. whatever doesn't fit somewhere else... put it in there. Well not any longer. I have started a new project to try and get our misc. items a home. I bought a bunch of matching plastic bins with lids on them... got a label maker and completed one section yesterday. So all my Serving Dishes, Martini Glasses, Misc Party stuff are all labeled and look sooo much better in their home. Not to mention... they will be dust free next time I have to use them... so I don't have to keep rewashing things every time I get them out of the pantry. Next mission... I need to get more bins to match.... before they run out for the other side.... then organize the food area... That's going to be a challenge... but I can't wait for that to be all organized :)

Woohoo...

Feeling a little stressed and irritable...don't know why... just hormonal.

Need to keep pushing through and work on more projects! :)

Goal: Everything needs a home in my house.... No more just randomly putting things in random places.... :) Let's see how I do.

exhausting week

well it's been a pretty exhausting couple of weeks. Dad had a heart cath and it went Well.. Praise God. Now he is ok to go on our vacation... TWO WEEKS! I have soooo much to do to get ready! Now it's a two week waiting period to check to see if we have a baby. We really want to make a plane ticket for baby if we are and give it to my parents before we leave on our vacation. :D that would be awesome!!!! If not.. then maybe the holidays... we will see.

Update

My dad's heart Cath is scheduled for Monday morning.

Reality

This week had a real reality check for me. Found out my dad had a mini heart attack, but didn't know it. He now needs to go get a heart cath. It makes me so nervous, anxious, sad, mad.. lots of emotions. I just don't like the fact that parents have to get older. And it makes me think even more, I want my children to be able to play with their grandparents...so I wish things would speed up a little bit. But then I thought this week has also brought my parents and my relationship to a whole new level... just wish it didn't have to be this way. Please pray for safety and success during the procedure. And for peace for the whole family. I don't know yet when it is going to take place. It also may conflict with our vacation. But the Lord knows best. It broke my heart though, yesterday my Dad called and said will you call the doctor and see if he can hurry the procedure up so we can still go on our vacation : ( .... He wants to go so bad! So maybe pray that he will be able to get in to the doctor a little sooner. :)

One day at a time

Well tomorrow I take my last pill for this cycle. Haven't written much since I am trying to keep myself busy and not thinking too much about babies.. although it's all around me.

Found out one of my co-workers' wife also has P.C.O.S. She found out today that she wasn't prego. I totally could empathize when he told me she was pretty depressed. They have been trying for 3 years. And he just kept saying, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do. :( Made me so sad, there really isn't much you can say to someone going through it, other than, your not alone and I'll pray for you.

On the flip side, tonight I am going to a ladies Bunco night! I am sooo excited! It should be a lot of fun~

Well I'm off to make french bread. Never made it before, so I thought I would give it a try and see if I could do this more often once I get my kitchen aide mixer that I am saving up for... :)

Buddy Buddy with the Doc

Got a call back from the doc today. Blood test came back and revealed what I already knew.... but there was still that.. what if.... ;)

But nice thing is... I can start the Clomid right on Saturday now. So that went by a lot quicker to get started on it.

What will keep us busy in the mean time...

-I went and got my hair done today. (haven't gotten it highlighted in years)

-Have my ten year high school reunion on Saturday.

-Have Harvest Festival at Church at the end of the Month

- Hosting a Halloween Party at our house

-Starting new small groups

-Getting ready for our big vacation

-Going to do a boot camp at the gym

-going to paint our house.

and I'm sure there is so much more.

Going to go spend time with my hubs now. Night All. Saying a little prayer for you all.

-

Right timing?

Funny how things work.

I went and got my blood work done yesterday...

and was supposed to get the results today.

Well I spent all day praying yesterday and then came home and had the worst headache I have ever had, so i went to bed really early.

So then I woke up and prayed again, went to the bathroom, and I had some spotting. So I still thought well... this could go either way.

So I went to work and the spotting got heavier. So I pretty much welcomed Auntie Flow.

Funny story for the day:

So I decided to tell hubby, so I text him this exact text:

Spotting got heavier

About ten minutes later I got a text back that said,

You got the wrong guy.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

---- I accidently typed in a 3 instead of a 6.

Poor guy, I hope his lady friend doesn't think he is being cheated on!

So... I pretty much am not as sad as I thought I would be. Hubs and I are going on vacation next month and I really didn't want to be sick on the plane, so maybe next month. :)

I know that my attitude isn't a co-incidence. Thanks for the peace you have given me Lord!

How much more you want to bless me Lord!

I keep thinking that the Lord is going to bless us in his time.

And while I know it's true... someone, who is not worthy of mentioning his name... wants to put thoughts in my head "Well if a child is a blessing from God, why isn't he blessing you!?!"

And I know in my hearts of hearts and in the name and power of my Lord and Savior,

that this blessing is going to be so worth the wait.

And how much more Lord you want to bless me, more than I can even imagine or fathom.

You will fill our hearts, lips, souls with laughter, joy, dancing, and praise ever more... even in the waiting.

I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!

Going in on Monday. Up till today, I've been convincing myself that I am pregnant while "trying not to get my hopes up"...ya right!

Why I convinced myself you ask?

-constipation

-killer boobs...not killer hot, although my husband would beg to differ, but killer...they are murdering me!

-cramps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-my pants are getting tighter.....for this I say I better be pregnant!

-I am soo irritable... I have been close to riping peoples heads off a number of times.. for just saying "hello how are you"? I am a female dog.... you can figure that out can't you ?

-Chicken has been tasting really funny to me

-Shrimp has tasted sooo good... I'm not a big shrimp person

-I get full a lot quicker.. but I get hungry really quick

- Peeing a little more than usual

-I have been having a minor head cold

So I thought I was,

but then I found out my friend had a lot of similar symptoms this month and she got her period... so now I really am not getting my hopes up!

How I feel.

I have been feeling pretty tired, cranky, sore boobs, cramps.... I really wish pregnancy symptoms weren't so much like period symptoms.. grrr

I can go in for blood work at the end of next week but I may wait till the following week. We will see. :)

Results

Got my progesterone levels back from the doctor.

They were 11.4.

Doc said ideally she would have liked to have seen them at 15 but she had a patient get pregnant last month with 11....

So we shall see.

Doctor's Visit/ making announcements

Today I had my appt to get my blood drawn to check progesterone levels. I should have the results tomorrow.

Got into a discussion with the doc about when it is safe to announce once we get pregnant. She continued to tell me of times her friends had lost their pregnancies and people were commenting on how cute their baby bumps were or how they had the pregnancy glow. I think that would be so difficult! She said that what she tells her close family and friends is to wait until they are in their second trimester. I think I would have such a hard time holding it in that long!!! What I had originally wanted to do before talking to the doc, was to tell people right away...and if I have a miscarriage..I would be more careful the second time around other than family. But now that I heard what people say... I am up in the air...

I want to hear what everyone out there would do in the same situation.

Day 23

Funny how TTC has made me sooo super sensitive to what is going on with my body. I wish I could take a look inside of my body and know exactly what is going on in there!

Something I was thinking about....(About Miscarriage ... I hate that that is what it's called. I wish there was a better name for it.. the name.. It just makes it sound like it was the "carriers" fault when that isn't true. Arg.)

more sad news

found out another friend had a miscarraige.
:(

Day 20

Had third day of LH Surge.. Hmmmm

I guess it's normal from what I have read.

Day 19

Feeling sad tonight. Had a couple of prego ladies talking about their pregnancy.... and I was fine... but then they did a couple of things that indicated that they were sad for me. I sometimes don't want people to feel sad for me.. it makes it worse sometimes.

On the car ride home I just kept thinking if I don't O this month...or I don't get pregnant I will be sooo sad. I know that I shouldn't get my hopes up.. but I just can't help it. The end of October will mark one year that I stopped taking the pill. I don't know there is something about saying a year that is heart wrenching. I know that their are people that try for soooo much longer. I actually have a friend that has been for years. It makes me soo sad. lol.. and there I am feeling sad for someone when I don't want to be the one that people are sad for.

Please Lord... I don't want to wait any longer.

Urge to Surge!!

Found out what all those cramps were..
Woke up this morning and took the OPK...sure enough I had my LH Surge... Yay.. I am so excited to finally know that I actually ovulated. I am still wondering if both ovaries ovulated since I was having cramps on both sides... Twins?lol That would be CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it's far fetched but who know's. Still don't know if we will get preggers... but wishful thinking! Now that I got the LH Surge... next date to be excited for is next Thursday for doctor to confirm the surge with blood work. And then next month for the pg test!!!!!!!
Hubby is trying really hard to not let me see that he is excited... but I thing he is just as excited. He doesn't want to get his hopes up. he's so great.

ummm if i have multiples... my best friend better move back! ;)

ovulation cramps?

Ok... question for all of you on clomid..
This week is supposed to be my most fertile week, starting yesterday.
But I have had cramps since Monday.... anyone know what this might be? It's been on both my left and right side... and in the center.

What a night!

Tears Tears...happy tears.

We had our young marrieds group tonight at our house. We were on the topic of what our spiritual gifts are. We decided to go around and share what our spiritual gifts are based on this test we took tonight. And we shared with one another whether or not we agreed with the results. SO my gifts according to this test were Helps, Hospitality, Serving, Mercy, and Exhortation... It came around to my turn and people agreed with my results and shared some examples of times where they have seen those gifts in me. We went on with the night and later on my dear friend said she had one more thing she had to share about me. She shared how we have known each other for a while and for a couple years have both dreamed of having children. She then read from our package the description of Mercy:

The spiritual ability to detect and help those who hurt and have needs. Empathizes with those who are needy or experiencing difficulty. Desires to remove hurts and exhibit sensitivity. Enjoys a supportive ministry of caring.

(A little background to the story... this friend of mine...she is now 4 months pregnant. Her and her hubby got preggo on their first try. )

After she read that description she said.. I might cry now... and she did. She continued to share how much it meant to her that no matter how badly I wanted a baby, and how long hubby and I have been trying, she never doubted my excitement for her. She said I was the second person she called when she found out she was pregnant because she knew how excited I would be for her.

That meant sooooo much to me to hear her say that. lol It's sooo crazy how I just blogged about this not even 4 days ago. And I think God was affirming what he was doing in my heart and that others are able to see him through the change that he has done in me.

Thank you Lord for the spirit of understanding and caring that you have given me through my trials. Amen

Long day

Had a very long date... ready to lounge with hubby.

Day 13

Today is day 13 on the Cl calendar. 11 days till my proesterone blood draw... and 20 days till a pregnancy blood test... ohhhh my how the time is going by soooo slow right now. lol I thought it was going to go by so quickly because it's a busy month... but it's not :( I'm sure once I'm out of this month I will look back and remember and think how fast it actually went. But when ur anxious it seems like your patience is tested as well as your emotions. Todays lesson, or this seasons lesson (one of many)... don't let your emotions control or take over what you do and who you are.

I got a lot of cleaning done tonight. I moved the couches.. cleaned the baseboards, cleaned the windows, moped, dusted, laundry... I think I am nesting a bit...lol.... I hope I stay this motivated to get that much done all the time. :) Wishful thinking.

Two other of my closest friends are trying to have babies right now. We are praying that it happens at the same time.. Wouldn't that be just so ideal? We were talking about it tonight and one of their husbands said that's all we talk about... it's true it is. But there is nothing wrong with praying with confidence :). Just need to be open to the idea that my plan may not be the Lords.

But I really hope it is ;).

Feeling pretty tired not... going to go have some tea and go night night. Love you all!

lol.. spoke too soon?

Found out someone else is prego :)

So excited... yet so anxious for my time :p. But i know that it will come in due time.

Being tested in this has been a rough time.... but I will praise the Lord all the more for the things he is doing in and thru me. I am experiencing things that I would not have been able to if things went smooth sailing. I wouldn't be as understanding of a person of those who struggle if I wasn't going thru this. I will praise the Lord all he more.

What the future holds

Tonight I went to a get together with a bunch of friends, and the topic of conversation... sooo many dear friends of mine are having babies. This is what I was thinking about tonight... I am so glad that I am able to be happy for them and not feel sorry for my situation.

I know there are times when people have had a rough time being around other people who are having babies when they are trying to conceive.... (don't get me wrong.. I've had my sad nights...quite a few.. ok a ton... I've prob. shed the pacific ocean in tears). And for some reason, ...actually I know the reason... lol...

Right when we started trying to have a little one, I knew other friends that were trying. And I started praying-
Lord-be at the center of my heart.
You know my inner most being-
you know my thoughts...even when I can't sort through them,
you know the motives of my heart.
You know what is best for me.

You have the best timing.

Lord and even though things might not go like I plan, help me to have a joyful heart towards others that may get pregnant before me- even if they are younger than me, even if they haven't tried as long.
No matter what the situation- these are your little miracles that you decide to bless us with

And the Lord has really helped me with that. lol..ten fold.... :)
It's crazy how many people are getting pregnant at the same time.
And I am sooooo thrilled and overjoyed for them. I can't wait to see what the future holds for them. They are having little miracles growing inside of them! Just like I always wanted... they are getting to experience that joy.

The love I have for my friends is made more complete when I am experiencing that joy with them.

Thank you Lord for this time of abundant blessings. Thank you for teaching me the meaning of being joyful, and for teaching me Love through your great sacrifice.

Day 3

On day 3 of Cd.

I am taking 50mg right now.

Feeling pretty lucky and thankful that I

am not having any side effects from the medication.

time not slip slip slippin' away

I know that looking back, time always goes so quickly, but it's always when you are anticipating something that time seems to slow down. We have a busy month ahead of us, so that should help get my mind off of the end of this month, and what it may or maynot hold. So I am off to write my emails.

Broken Hearts

I just found out in our small group that a friend of mine found out they were pregnant and soon miscarried. My heart just broke for them. Even though it wasn't a planned pregnancy they, as any expectant parent would, got so excited with the thought of welcoming that little one into this world. My pray, Lord help them with this hurt right now. May they feel the love and support of those around them, and may those around them be sensitive to their needs and feelings. May they feel your love and the power of your healing touch. Amen

First Bleed

I just had my first bleed after provera, so Im starting round #1 of Clomid on Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!! WOohoo.. so excited!

SO loving the Comments

I am so thankful for all my new PCOS blog friends. It's so nice,.. even though I don't personally know you all... it's nice having people who are going through the same thing acknowledge your feelings. Thanks Meghan... the Comments really are such an encouragement. Praying for you and your hubby, and am thankful for our cyber friendship :).

Miscalculation

So I was wrong... I won't find out before hubbys birthday if it works this round. It'll be a few weeks after that. Oh well. Maybe we'll have a Halloween Pumpkin :D.

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for my best friend who is always there. Always a listening ear, an encourager, someone to joke with and someone who understands even when we aren't in the same boat... she always understands. Love you!

disappointed in a thankful world

Sometimes I wish that men would react to things like women do.. :) For instance us girls, when we are excited about something... we want to scream it to the roof tops... while men just give a one word response of ... "Cool". Lol... While I sometimes long for that expression from them... boy am I glad that they aren't as emotional as us.

I sometimes wish that hubby would show me how excited he is about having a baby. Today we had a long talk about it. It's not that he isn't excited, but he wants to protect both of our emotions. He doesn't want to get excited about something that hasn't happened yet- just incase it doesn't work out the way we planned. Even though I sometimes think I need more emotions from him, I am glad he is the leader of my home, my rock, and my comfort. What a great example of Christs love. He is excited for me, yet protective.

Thank you Lord for my husband.

My Hopes

Hopes and Dreams:


- Round #1 of Clomid will be "The one"- would make such a great present for hubby's birthday.

- All of my closest friends would get preggo at the same time. Atleast the ones that are trying ;)

- That family members would least expect it when the time comes around, I would love for it to be a big surprise for them.

8/28 Physically Feeling

Today I am feeling tired and a little queezy(maybe dehydration also-it is so ungodly hot today). I know that this is nothing compared to what people have felt like once on clomid, so I am thankful for not feeling worse right now. Scared about next weeks clomid symptoms, but so excited for what it can do!

**Med Update**

Today was my day 4 on Provera. Tom. will be my last day on it. So I should be able to start round one of clomid sometime next week.

Today

Well it has been ten months since we have started trying for a little one. I have gone through my share of emotions. I could pretty much hold it together most of the time. I think the turning point for me was when I had to call insurance to see if we had fertility coverage. Our insurance lady was someone that my hubby and I both knew outside of her job. When I called her, she was so sweet and concerned, all I could do was rush her off the phone, and I just broke down. I think saying it out loud and having someone be concerned for my situation was a breaking point for me. I always had a feeling I would have a hard time conceiving with the way that my menstral cycle has always been irregular, but you never want that to be the truth about yourself. I never wanted to be that person who was consumed with trying to have a baby. I just wanted it to just happen. I wanted a little surprise. As much as these past ten months have been difficult, I think that God really did use the hardships to bring out a stronger, understanding, and more confident me.

So now that we are actually trying, and trying, it has gotten me thinking about our responsibilities as parents. When you think of adoptive parents, they have to go through loops and bounds to try to get a child. They have to go through applications upon applications, interviews, home visits, and much more. So how seriously do people who have biological children think about their responsibilities as parents. Many people say, well when you have a child you just make it work. And while I believe that... I hate to think that there is no effort in becoming the best parent that you can be.

So from today on, I will try to look at life through the eyes of a parent (the ultimate parent-looking for example from my Lord and Savior), so I may become a better person that will be in contact with my future child and God's children. My prayer is that I may nurture, love unconditionally, pour out my life experiences, show by example when actions speak louder than words, that I may be slow to anger, own up to my mistakes, may I never stop learning, never stop growing, be truthful, giving, selfless, and Honor the Lord in everything that I do. Amen