Miscalculation

So I was wrong... I won't find out before hubbys birthday if it works this round. It'll be a few weeks after that. Oh well. Maybe we'll have a Halloween Pumpkin :D.

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for my best friend who is always there. Always a listening ear, an encourager, someone to joke with and someone who understands even when we aren't in the same boat... she always understands. Love you!

disappointed in a thankful world

Sometimes I wish that men would react to things like women do.. :) For instance us girls, when we are excited about something... we want to scream it to the roof tops... while men just give a one word response of ... "Cool". Lol... While I sometimes long for that expression from them... boy am I glad that they aren't as emotional as us.

I sometimes wish that hubby would show me how excited he is about having a baby. Today we had a long talk about it. It's not that he isn't excited, but he wants to protect both of our emotions. He doesn't want to get excited about something that hasn't happened yet- just incase it doesn't work out the way we planned. Even though I sometimes think I need more emotions from him, I am glad he is the leader of my home, my rock, and my comfort. What a great example of Christs love. He is excited for me, yet protective.

Thank you Lord for my husband.

My Hopes

Hopes and Dreams:


- Round #1 of Clomid will be "The one"- would make such a great present for hubby's birthday.

- All of my closest friends would get preggo at the same time. Atleast the ones that are trying ;)

- That family members would least expect it when the time comes around, I would love for it to be a big surprise for them.

8/28 Physically Feeling

Today I am feeling tired and a little queezy(maybe dehydration also-it is so ungodly hot today). I know that this is nothing compared to what people have felt like once on clomid, so I am thankful for not feeling worse right now. Scared about next weeks clomid symptoms, but so excited for what it can do!

**Med Update**

Today was my day 4 on Provera. Tom. will be my last day on it. So I should be able to start round one of clomid sometime next week.

Today

Well it has been ten months since we have started trying for a little one. I have gone through my share of emotions. I could pretty much hold it together most of the time. I think the turning point for me was when I had to call insurance to see if we had fertility coverage. Our insurance lady was someone that my hubby and I both knew outside of her job. When I called her, she was so sweet and concerned, all I could do was rush her off the phone, and I just broke down. I think saying it out loud and having someone be concerned for my situation was a breaking point for me. I always had a feeling I would have a hard time conceiving with the way that my menstral cycle has always been irregular, but you never want that to be the truth about yourself. I never wanted to be that person who was consumed with trying to have a baby. I just wanted it to just happen. I wanted a little surprise. As much as these past ten months have been difficult, I think that God really did use the hardships to bring out a stronger, understanding, and more confident me.

So now that we are actually trying, and trying, it has gotten me thinking about our responsibilities as parents. When you think of adoptive parents, they have to go through loops and bounds to try to get a child. They have to go through applications upon applications, interviews, home visits, and much more. So how seriously do people who have biological children think about their responsibilities as parents. Many people say, well when you have a child you just make it work. And while I believe that... I hate to think that there is no effort in becoming the best parent that you can be.

So from today on, I will try to look at life through the eyes of a parent (the ultimate parent-looking for example from my Lord and Savior), so I may become a better person that will be in contact with my future child and God's children. My prayer is that I may nurture, love unconditionally, pour out my life experiences, show by example when actions speak louder than words, that I may be slow to anger, own up to my mistakes, may I never stop learning, never stop growing, be truthful, giving, selfless, and Honor the Lord in everything that I do. Amen